So here I sit, 7:45 PM on Thursday, January 19th. I am 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Jack is estimated to be at 7.5lbs - 8lbs, but he may as well be larger than life.
Needless to say, the last few days have been some of the longest in my life. We are in constant waiting mode for him to show some sign of wanting to come and say hi to the world.
But, as we found out today in our doctor's appointment, no progression in my cervix in almost three weeks. Sure, it's a bit thinner, but Jackson is comfy right where he's at.
So, tomorrow night is the night. We will be going into the hospital at 12 am. They're going to give my cervix a "softener," then start pitocin on Saturday, January 21st. So, it looks as if Jackson will greet this world on Saturday.
I think if I wrote any more than that right now, my head may spin. So many thoughts, I just don't know where to even start.
At the core of it all, I will remember: This is God's love child. This will all go according to His will, and sweet Jackson will be in our arms very soon.
All the love in the world, sweet boy. We absolutely cannot wait any longer.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
Reminder to be humble
We have been humbly reminded that God is control over all things.
On the 10th, it felt like Christmas morning all over again. We were so excited and 3:50pm could not come fast enough. To think we would leave the doctor's office with a date to be induced was exhilarating and so exciting.
Okay, I can tell you I'm writing this with no baby in hand, and it is the 13th. So I'm assuming you can figure out how things turned out.
When he went to check my cervix, turns out I made absolutely no progression from the appointment on the 5th. Dr Hayton sincerely felt scraping the membranes would cause more harm to me physically, and wouldn't progress things enough. Since there had been no growth, he highly recommended we keep our next appointment (January 19th, 4 days after the due date) and scrape the membranes then, and schedule the date to be induced.
Needless to say, this was a total shock to us, (Dr. Hayton was also a bit surprised considering my progression over the last few weeks). We were going to go out and celebrate with my parents for dinner. I had Aaron call my mom to cancel as we walked out of the office, I really couldn't speak I was so disappointed. In that moment I was so grateful to have compassionate parents who totally understood where we were coming from.
Aaron was an amazing support, letting me just look out the window with tears in my eyes. The thought of up to 12 more days of being pregnant in anticipation during this moment seemed even more than an eternity. As I sat there and prayed for God's reassurance, I was humbled in realizing that Jackson is still God's miracle child, and he has placed the perfect timing for Jackson's arrival, which is something that even the doctors don't always have control over.
I have been reminding myself more and more of the constant blessing of an extremely healthy pregnancy, a healthy baby and a wonderful family. These are such blessings that only God could provide for us and I am in awe of his amazing grace.
Not to say we haven't been doing whatever we can to help speed as much as we can along naturally!
My last official day of work was on Wednesday, January 11th. What an odd feeling. It really hasn't even sunk in yet. I guess the reason being is that we don't know what we will be doing come April. Part time? Full time? Quit altogether? Thankfully, all the family has the same goal in mind to have me quit work all together, but time, the market, and finances will tell. I am so at peace knowing this is in God's hands, and we cannot know some of these answers for some time.
Bret took me out to a wonderful goodbye lunch with all the best wishes in the world. How blessed am I to have such a wonderful job filled with so many wonderful people?
So now, we wait. My mother and I went to Disneyland yesterday and walked the whole park for 5 hours. We had a fantastic and memorable dinner last night with Chad & Candace at a place that has a notorious reputation for their "Orgy" pizza, which puts women into labor within 24 hours. It had so many toppings on it that I hate, but I forced it down in hopes for some good results...nothing yet... God, couldn't you just have let them sprinkle a little pitocin on the top? Just kidding.
To quote myself, quoting Eeyore the donkey when I was 5 years old..."Days, weeks, months, who knows..."
All the love in the world to my little stubborn baby Jackson! I'm so glad my tummy is a comfortable and safe place for you!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
What due date?
Today it has really dawned on me how much due dates are so "approximate." I felt as if I had to write today, because January 5th was my original due date. That has now come and gone.
But, I did have an appointment today with my wonderful Dr, Dr. Hayton. He's so funny and has such a dry sense of humor. I love it. For the last 5 weeks or so, my mother typically goes with me to my appointments. Mainly because they're so non-eventful, and it's so nice to have the company after an hour or so of waiting for the doctor.
Today I am 38 weeks and 3 days along. Jackson is estimated to weight 7+ lbs, and he is head down. Dr. Hayton says my cervix is thinning, after checking me out thoroughly (and quite painfully) which are all good signs of progressing nicely.
Lately I've been in a bit of a funk not feeling as if I have any control over when he will actually be here. (as per my last entry...) So, it's been taking a lot of prayer and reliance on God to know that he has the answers.
Not that today really gave me all the "answers," but it certainly helped put my mind at ease. Our next Dr.'s appointment is on Tuesday the 10th (that's only 5 DAYS away...). At this appointment, he will scrape my membranes (not sure what all of this entails, but apparently this is a safe and natural way to help spur on labor). Typically labor naturally starts after this is done in about 3 to 4 days. But, on the 10th, we're able to schedule a day that we would want to be induced, should scraping the membranes not work. So, we're batting around 17th or 18th to give him a bit more time.
But knowing that on just Tuesday things will hit an even bigger milestone is such a relief. There still are so many unknowns, but it was nice to finally discuss "the end result." I feel like he's so big he could be walking already!
Also, I think I'm a bit tired of all of the comments. "Wow! Look how BIG you are! I swear you grow every day!" or "When you turn the corner, the first thing I see is your belly!" or the all awesome giggle when someone walks by me and I have food in my hand. Hey, it's lunch time, aren't you going to eat too? Geez!
But I'm enjoying and trying to relax with Aaron on the quiet times. I'm praying Merlin & Lola will adjust smoothly to Jack's arrival as well. I'm a bit concerned about Merlin since he's a bit obsessed with me (hey, I know I'm a big deal!). So we'll see if he adjusts smoothly to a baby in the house.
Otherwise, things are definitely winding down with work, which is a nice thing. I feel so blessed with all of the support and love I've received from so many co-workers and clients! It's been amazing.
Jack, you're so loved, and your arrival is so very much anticipated by so many. God has already blessed your life, and I can't wait to kiss your sweet face.
But, I did have an appointment today with my wonderful Dr, Dr. Hayton. He's so funny and has such a dry sense of humor. I love it. For the last 5 weeks or so, my mother typically goes with me to my appointments. Mainly because they're so non-eventful, and it's so nice to have the company after an hour or so of waiting for the doctor.
Today I am 38 weeks and 3 days along. Jackson is estimated to weight 7+ lbs, and he is head down. Dr. Hayton says my cervix is thinning, after checking me out thoroughly (and quite painfully) which are all good signs of progressing nicely.
Lately I've been in a bit of a funk not feeling as if I have any control over when he will actually be here. (as per my last entry...) So, it's been taking a lot of prayer and reliance on God to know that he has the answers.
Not that today really gave me all the "answers," but it certainly helped put my mind at ease. Our next Dr.'s appointment is on Tuesday the 10th (that's only 5 DAYS away...). At this appointment, he will scrape my membranes (not sure what all of this entails, but apparently this is a safe and natural way to help spur on labor). Typically labor naturally starts after this is done in about 3 to 4 days. But, on the 10th, we're able to schedule a day that we would want to be induced, should scraping the membranes not work. So, we're batting around 17th or 18th to give him a bit more time.
But knowing that on just Tuesday things will hit an even bigger milestone is such a relief. There still are so many unknowns, but it was nice to finally discuss "the end result." I feel like he's so big he could be walking already!
Also, I think I'm a bit tired of all of the comments. "Wow! Look how BIG you are! I swear you grow every day!" or "When you turn the corner, the first thing I see is your belly!" or the all awesome giggle when someone walks by me and I have food in my hand. Hey, it's lunch time, aren't you going to eat too? Geez!
But I'm enjoying and trying to relax with Aaron on the quiet times. I'm praying Merlin & Lola will adjust smoothly to Jack's arrival as well. I'm a bit concerned about Merlin since he's a bit obsessed with me (hey, I know I'm a big deal!). So we'll see if he adjusts smoothly to a baby in the house.
Otherwise, things are definitely winding down with work, which is a nice thing. I feel so blessed with all of the support and love I've received from so many co-workers and clients! It's been amazing.
Jack, you're so loved, and your arrival is so very much anticipated by so many. God has already blessed your life, and I can't wait to kiss your sweet face.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
14 days...and it feels like an eternity!
It's hard to believe tomorrow will mark 2 weeks left until Jackson is to arrive. These days my mind has been completely preoccupied with so many things regarding his coming. I'm really having to constantly remind myself that I am not able to plan this out, and it is in God's hands. Being the avid planner that I am, this is very, very difficult!
It's not so much that I am worried, or frightened of labor or a newborn. It's that there is no set schedule. He can come tonight if he wants! Or, he can wait 16 more days...which I am praying daily he chooses not to do.
The lack of sleep is starting to get to me. I'm not really that uncomfortable (although, it will be nice to not be pregnant anymore!) it's that my mind races in the middle of the night about the most random things. To feel as if I have control over when he will come, I am compensating by the need to be sure we have purchased every little thing that we may need for him. I need to consciously stop myself. I guess this is a way to keep me preoccupied.
Another countdown is also in the works. Only 7 days left of work prior to my departure. At this point, we are not sure if I will be going back full time, part time or at all. So, it's kind of a weird feeling. I'm trying to go in every day seeing the positive aspects of my job (there are so many!) and really trying to think about what I'm going to miss about being there. This helps remind me of how absolutely blessed I am.
This post may be a lot of my random thoughts, but it is a true reflection of how I have been feeling every day (& night!). I'm enjoying the final moments left of just the unit of Aaron and I. The sleep that we can get is so treasured, and our relaxing time alone is so important. The day goes by quickly, but the accumulated days are an eternity in anticipation of our sweet boy's arrival.
To my sweet baby Jackson-we are so excited to meet you and see the blessing that God has provided to our family. You are already a precious child of God, and we can't wait to help you on your journey in exploring your new world. We love you more than words can say...already.
God, please provide my thoughts and heart peace as we embark on the last days of this journey. We are constantly reminded of the love and blessings you provide for us daily!
It's not so much that I am worried, or frightened of labor or a newborn. It's that there is no set schedule. He can come tonight if he wants! Or, he can wait 16 more days...which I am praying daily he chooses not to do.
The lack of sleep is starting to get to me. I'm not really that uncomfortable (although, it will be nice to not be pregnant anymore!) it's that my mind races in the middle of the night about the most random things. To feel as if I have control over when he will come, I am compensating by the need to be sure we have purchased every little thing that we may need for him. I need to consciously stop myself. I guess this is a way to keep me preoccupied.
Another countdown is also in the works. Only 7 days left of work prior to my departure. At this point, we are not sure if I will be going back full time, part time or at all. So, it's kind of a weird feeling. I'm trying to go in every day seeing the positive aspects of my job (there are so many!) and really trying to think about what I'm going to miss about being there. This helps remind me of how absolutely blessed I am.
This post may be a lot of my random thoughts, but it is a true reflection of how I have been feeling every day (& night!). I'm enjoying the final moments left of just the unit of Aaron and I. The sleep that we can get is so treasured, and our relaxing time alone is so important. The day goes by quickly, but the accumulated days are an eternity in anticipation of our sweet boy's arrival.
To my sweet baby Jackson-we are so excited to meet you and see the blessing that God has provided to our family. You are already a precious child of God, and we can't wait to help you on your journey in exploring your new world. We love you more than words can say...already.
God, please provide my thoughts and heart peace as we embark on the last days of this journey. We are constantly reminded of the love and blessings you provide for us daily!
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