My patience is lost. I feel like I'm never enough. I'm tired. I feel like the world is going on without me, and having zero adult interaction is enough to drive me insane.
I feel as if I'm the only one responsible for their happiness. I've felt this way since Jackson was born.
But the older they get, the more I am slowly beginning to realize the true meaning of what I am constantly reminded of:
These boys are God's treasures. He has entrusted them us. They are in our temporary, precious care. What a blessing they are from Him.
So you know what? They are going to only find true happiness and peace in God. Not in me.
Now, of course, you can't teach that giant, large concept to a two year old. I still feel like I'm trying to wrap my head around it and I'm almost 30.
The more I understand that they're not truly mine, the better mom I can become. I can (try to) let go of the guilt. The guilt that can cut so deep it can bring out some of my biggest insecurities to my children, and my biggest shortcomings.
When I don't feel guilty, I am:
more patient.
more loving
more understanding
and more accepting of the (let's face it) shitty days that are the days of them being sick.
Seeing the bigger picture, I am:
blessed because they aren't permanently sick
grateful for food in our pantry
doubly grateful for great medical care
and triple grateful for the love and support I get through family & dear friends to raise these precious ones.
So I'll end my gratefulness to God with these photos.
Carson & Jackson at the beach. So grateful for my dear friends & playdates.
First time playing t-ball
"Home run Jack!" (Notice the "Hook" reference)
William in undies for the first time. Unsuccessful try at potty training for a few days. Oh well. We'll try again soon I'm sure.
Jackson & Melia walking to the pool
Sick days with energy still to burn=the bunny park where no one goes.
My 2 year old at his favorite park on his birthday
